The Perfect Princess Syndrome

Ladies, let me tell you a secret.

Submitting to your husbands does not mean being a doormat or lapdog. It does not mean being ‘obedient’. It does not mean you are his door greeting-scotch pouring-apron wearing- sandwich making-sex toy. (unless of course you like that sort of thing ;-))
It means taking care of your man in the same way he takes care of you. It means showing respect. It means releasing some control and trusting him to lead the way.

Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist just yet.

I do not mean to imply that you, as a couple, are not a team. I do not mean that women are less valuable to society than men. I most certainly do not mean that every woman should be submissive to every man.

I Absolutely Unequivocally Do Not Think That. Not for one nanosecond.

But haven’t you noticed, that the tables have turned a little? The feminist movement brought the rights of women to the fore. Feminism has achieved a lot, women have come a long way. I am grateful everyday for the women who forged the freedom that I now enjoy. But I have to say, I am struck by the number of women who seem to forget that men are their equals. I have been witness to women belittling, humiliating and berating; proudly crowing about how hopeless their man is. Erm, I think something was lost in translation. This is certainly not my definition of equality.

If there is one thing that every modern woman should do to submit to her husband, it is this:

Stop treating him like a fool.
Seriously girls, have some respect. Respect for your life partner, the partner YOU chose, the father of your children, you know, the guy who provides for your family.

The idea that men are just a life support system for a credit card has become not only socially acceptable, but expected. It is fashionable to be a Prada wearing-Perfectly Pampered Princess while your husband kills himself working 60hours a week to pay for your $800 shoe habit. I have to confess that I, in an attempt to be humorous, talk about my ‘excessive spending’ and my husbands ‘working to pay the bills’ dynamic. It is so fashionable and accepted that no one ever questions it.
I don’t like myself when I do that, it’s not funny at all. Really what I’m doing is perpetuating the belief that men are basically stupid; I am saying “See how stoopid he is, my silly stupid hardworking man, see how good I am at taking advantage of him?” Blergh, it makes me sick. And then I feel guilt and Hubby gets lamb cutlets for dinner. (those things take forever to prepare!)


How often have you been at lunch with your girlfriends when it turns into a husband bashing session? You know, you talk about how hopeless your men are? How many Facebook status updates do your read about the latest stupid antics of your friends’ stupid husbands? Some lovely facebook user has actually started a Stupid Husband Club where you are encouraged to publicly shame your man.
Pfftt He can’t even stack the dishwasher properly. And don’t get me started about the toilet seat.
We have reduced our men to nothing more than lap dogs. What a good boy, he put the seat down. And look I taught him where the laundry basket is, now he can put his socks there all by himself. If he does all his chores, I might reward him with a bj.

This, from the Marriage Blog Happily Ever After:

“So instead of thinking of sex as a bribe, think of it as a gift. You want your man to be happy right? You have the power to make that happen!
I’m sure he wants you to be happy, too. So teach him how to make you happy. Explain to him that there is a type of foreplay that you really crave, and this foreplay comes in the form of a clean house and a cooked meal and anything else you want him to do so you can feel rested, sexy, and content. I’m sure if you explain it all this way, he’ll even agree to wear the male equivalent of lingerie: an apron.”

It just makes me want to trade in my lady parts and scream I AM NOT A PART OF THIS!

You’d think men couldn’t function without their wives instruction.
Look at this, we sigh in exasperation, here I am again teaching this fool how to Do It The Right Way, when will he ever learn?
Thus, putting ourselves in a position of power, propping ourselves up with how unbelievably adept we feel, stroking our own egos.

Excuse me while I thank my lucky stars and ignore you perfect princesses.

The media love this dynamic too; portrayals of men as strong leaders do not exist anymore. Whereas we used to see Mike Brady, Howard Cunningham and Cliff Huxtable, we now have Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin (Family Guy) and Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond.)
Men; Fathers; are portrayed as Bumbling-Wife Whipped-Mummys Boys. Where are the examples of real leading men? There are none. Strong men are somehow perceived as anti women. Or anti feminist.

When women proclaim the Dumbness Of Men and then expect me to smile and nod and agree with them, I just can’t. I cannot and do not want to be part of any gender uniting team that proclaims their own superiority. I cannot agree with you when you say “We are women, let us rally together and support each other; banding together against the Stupidity of Men with their socks on the floor and their toilet seat leaving ways and oh wont you think of the children!”  
I do think of my children, I think of my boys and the men they will be. I think of the women they will perhaps one day marry. If these women deserve to be treated like princesses, then my boys deserve to be treated like princes.  As do their Fathers. Why the hell not?

Girls, your husband is not an idiot. Well, he might be I don’t know. If he is you knew that when you married him. You chose him, just as he chose you. Stop playing the ‘How superior am I with this knuckle dragging fool beside me’ game. Don’t mouth off to your girlfriends. Stop with the public shaming. When he is good to you, or does something you ‘approve of’ don’t brag about how ‘well trained’ he is. He is not your pet. For god sake support your man. Play on his team.
At the very least, repent with lamb cutlets.
If you tear him down, he will shut down. He will switch off, he will take less initiative, and fulfil every single negative prophecy you have ever expected of him.

And then you get to be right.
Alone in your rightness, there on your Perfect Princess Throne.

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3 Responses to The Perfect Princess Syndrome

  1. Jennie says:

    You must be “an old soul” with your insight! And I know you aren’t old!
    Everyone deserves respect, then must earn it to keep it, that works both ways in any relationship. If you belittle your life partner you are also belittling yourself, remember to love and honour.

  2. Jane says:

    It’s a shame women who treat men like that (it also works in reverse) do not stand back and really see the damage they are doing to the person they are supposed to love. It is soul destroying, and can take years to recover from. If indeed you are lucky to fully recover. Mental abuse is often worse than physical abuse – as there are no obvious scars. And as the abused will often see themselves as weak they will not allow others to see they hurt so badly 😦
    Rachael you raise some great issues in your blogs. Keep it up 🙂

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