When I fell pregnant with Deflector the Midwives advised me to make a birth plan. The idea of the birth plan is that you define your wishes prior to your labour. Do I want pain relief? What position do I want to give birth in? Do I want a water birth? What about an emergency situation? How do I feel about C-sections, assisted delivery, episiotomy?
I wanted a water birth. Didn’t happen.
I wanted a calm quiet labour without intervention. Didn’t happen.
I did not want assisted delivery or episiotomy. Guess what did happen?…
For my second third and fourth deliveries the only pre conceived idea had been that I did not want an epidural. But given that I was birthing in a low risk, low intervention, no-epidulral-possible hospital, no matter who I threatened to kill in the minutes prior to birth, there was no way I could possibly be given an epi. Cool.
All mothers, and assisting fathers, know that there is only one person who really has any level of control over your labour. And that’s the little parasite that you’re about to give birth to. Not only do they have control, they do it in sensational style.
I have a theory that you labour/birth is an indication of the little personality you are about to meet…
Let me explain
Deflector, being my first, was supposed to be a calm, low intervention water birth. But he didn’t want to be born in the water; he did not want to be born full stop. I had tried everything to coax him out. EVERYTHING. I was so ready to meet this little man and he was being a stubborn little sh*t. I was 10 days overdue when I was induced. After 17 hours of induced labour, 7 of which was 2nd stage labour…..Ok I have to stop there for a sec, don’t think that I’m exaggerating when I say 7 hours.
It was 7 hours of pushing.
When I saw my gyno at our 6 week check up he looked me dead in the eye and said “oh they wouldn’t have left you in 2nd stage for 7 hours, that’s absurd” and then he checked my chart and said “Oh….hmmm”
So after 17 hours of induced labour, my stubborn, argumentative, will NOT co-operate first-born son had to be suctioned out. With an episiotomy and an audience of about 12 student doctors.
Of course he did.
He still to this day will not co-operate until I have been sufficiently traumatised, humiliated and exhausted. Even then, it’s under duress.
The Actor was also induced. For fear of the same situation re-occurring he was induced 3 days early. He might not have been ready for birth, but he emerged without complaint. In fact he emerged with his eyes wide open, alert. Let me draw you a diagram:
Captain Clumsy was a surprisingly peaceful labour, though hard and fast. In fact if I had to pick a favourite birth, it would be his because it was my first with zero intervention. However, when my water broke just seconds before he was born, it exploded hot amniotic fluid all over my mother and husband. He then shot out like a rocket and the nurse had to catch the slippery little sucker. That’s my CC, still incredibly messy, and always full throttle.
Princess was entirely different again. I had been in pre labour all day long, from 6 am, but nothing really started until about 10pm. We head off to the hospital and the nurses want to send me home because everything has stopped. I stand my ground because, being my fourth labour, I just know.
Within 10 minutes it’s all very full on, no time for checking anything, here she comes. Less than an hour of hell-on-earth later, and still protected by the cushion of her amniotic sac, she is born. Perfectly healthy and pink but looking like she doesn’t want to breathe much, so we wave some oxygen under her nose with a tube. Nothing to fret about, just a little bit of help. Finally after about 20 minutes she decides she can make more of an effort to breath by herself and she lets out a little squawk.
In typical princess fashion she dawdles and dawdles and just when you think it’s not going to happen, bam there she is, doing it her own way, in her own time. With padding and protection so she doesn’t hurt her precious little self and then expecting someone else to do her job for her. After all she is so little and precious she can’t possibly be expected to do everything, like breathe, all by herself.
So there it is. Is it a coincidence that my children’s’ births are indicative of their personalities? Maybe, but I’m convinced enough to ask people about their labour/birth story if I want to know what they’re in for 🙂