Little White Lies

I tell lies everyday of my life. It’s only natural, after all I am a Mother.

I challenge every single Mother on this earth to admit to lying to her children.
If you say you haven’t, well then, you’re a bigger liar than I. And I tell some pretty big pork pies. 

But first, before my children, it started with my husband. (It’s all right Dear, this isn’t real. It’s just a blog. It’s just pretend. Don’t believe a word of it. Ok? Ok.)

 

Come now ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

“What this? No this isn’t new, I’ve had this for years.”
And by ‘years’ I mean approx 1/365th of a year.

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember!? We talked about this.”
We might have, when you were half asleep. You kind of snorted and I took that as a Yes.

“I’m sorry darling, I just didn’t have time to iron your shirts today; you know how busy I’ve been with the ….other…thingy. Did you say yes to a glass of wine?”
When I use the term ‘other thingy’ it’s more in the sense of ‘lunch with the girls’, quick change the subject.

It was all good training for the Big Fat Mother Lies to come.

“1 piece of chocolate cake is enough”
because I’m planning on eating the last 3 slices when you kids are in bed.

“Yes I heard every word you said.”
Not really, but you’ll never know the difference. Smile and nod.

“We’re too busy this weekend to have Charlie over to play. Maybe next week.”
That kid is devil spawn and will not enter this house as long as I live.

“No, you can’t stay up we have a big day tomorrow.”
And as soon as you guys are asleep Mummy and Daddy are breaking out the fluffy handcuffs and scented candles.

“Why don’t you go play in the lovely sunshine?”
Get out, before I become the major suspect in a quadruple homicide.

There are many reasons for Big Fat Mother Lies.

to prevent hurt feelings:
“Oh yes, now I see the butterfly, I just wasn’t looking at it properly.” If by ‘butterfly’ you mean pink scribble.

to save time
“I’ll think about it.” Actually I have no intention of thinking about it but I do not have the time right now to explain why you cannot have/do/watch that. Now get in the damn car.

to protect innocence
“No darling it’s not your fault Gizmo died. He was just old.” Maybe next time you shouldn’t lock your guinea pig in a plastic box on a 40◦C day.

to enforce good behaviour
“Santa is watching you.” Enough said

And because we just don’t know everything
“The sky is blue because it’s the only colour not in the rainbow” – Actually when Deflector asked me this question I said ‘ask your father’. I had hoped it would stump him, but being the dork/smartass that he is, he actually knew the answer, and told him the truth. Go figure.

I am not advocating dishonesty. Not real dishonesty anyway.
In fact I am learning that being evasive does not work with Deflector and The Actor anymore. They’re growing up. My fibbing days are numbered. Now I have to answer real questions, and I have to do it honestly or they go off to school with their mates looking like fools. In the last 6 months Deflector has learned the truth about Santa (ergo Easter Bunny and tooth fairy). He knows exactly what sex involves, the true definition of Gay and the urban use of the word ‘frigid’.

It’s all happening too fast for my liking.

It’s enough to have me running for the hills.  
Or another glass of Mummy’s special grape juice.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Secret Mummy Business. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Little White Lies

  1. Pat says:

    My ‘lie’ was to say “I will think about it”. One day overheard mate trying to talk son into something he didn’t want. Mate “go ask your Mum” Son “she will just say ‘I will think about it'”. I believe that son loved the out.

  2. Really enjoy your writing Rach – a breath of fresh air and honesty! Eliza 🙂

  3. Marion Hartley says:

    Love it Rach, what a talent.

  4. Marianne Fryingpan says:

    If deflector is child the first, he also knows everyone dies. That was my fault. I remember walking into your kitchen to tell nyou i’d stolen your child’s innocence.
    Lovin’ this, Rach. Keep it up!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s